Posted by: John Arrington | September 11, 2008

The Journey Of A Broken Heart

The journey of a broken heart. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone, walking all by myself through a waste land. Were nothing matters. Longing for a chance to correct my past mistakes. Missing the one I love and left behind.

This blog will not make sense at times, but a person depressed is confused and at the same time searching for answers. As they walk through a waste land where nothing matters but the loved one they are searching for.

This blog is detected to LA my one and only love. She is my true love. I love you baby.

By John Arrington (2008)

Copyright 2008 (c) John Arrington

This is my true story about a journey through a real waste land that begin on March 14, 2001… Death is around every corner. And the shadows in this waste land – wilderness dances in the image of my desires.

When we got married we made a vow until death do us part.

Who set you FREE, it wasn’t me?

In the 21st century it is easier to quit then it is to work things out. A quitter never wins and a winner never quits! Ask Jesus..

In the Bible 1 Cor. the 13th chapter the whole chapter. Says a lot about loving each other as Christ Jesus loves us.

So how can we say there are more fish in the sea? These days people change relationships like people do shoes. No, I think people hold onto shoes longer…

OK now onto the story (The Journey Of A Broken Heart)

I miss you baby like the desert miss the rains. As I walk through this waste land I long to hear your voice. And at the same time I long to be in Heaven. But until then I will keep searching for you.

I can’t hardly breath because of the heaviness of my heart. I’m like a clown laughing on the out side, but crying on the inside.

The wind of change blows in my face, as the years pass me by. As I walk through this waste land I seek the roses along the way only to get stuck by the thorns. Nothing but pain follows me and nothing but pain is ahead of me. Until Jesus calls me home.

As I walk down a street so far away, I remember how you made me laugh. I hear sweet echos from you from the past. I will never quit you. Look into my eyes and you’ll see the pain of silence. There is nothing more hunting then the memory of the days when you could not wait to hear my voice. Now, you no longer hear me when I cry out to you. It’s like a baby crying and no one comes.

I can’t bring myself to say goodbye. Our love is frozen in time. I will be holding on to you. So many years have come and gone, yet my love is still strong. The only word I can’t say is goodbye. Please Remember Me.

I hear the voices screaming at me from the waste land that is all around me!!!

The voices that I hear that is coming from the waste land around me are from my friends and family. They don’t understand how deep my love is for you. They make my head spin. They are all quoting the wisdom of this world. Like get over it and move on. There are more fish in the sea.

All I can say is you are the love of my life. And one day I will not have to cry anymore.

And then I hear them say once more get over it and move on. They make my head spin. Why do they try to make my head spin?

These voices I hear like to build me up, just to tare me down. And I don’t know why? Why do they keep screaming at me? I don’t know why.

I Never Meant No Harm…

What I carry with me on this journey though this waste land.

There are two places I want to be at the same time. In the arms of Jesus or in  your arms. Right now time doesn’t matter to me. I know I will be in one of your two arms soon and very soon. I know I can’t hold out much longer.

I carry with me the pain of a broken heart and the sweet echos from you from the past. I keep hearing all the sweet things you said. My memory is bruised and I have tear stains on my hands.

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train coming at me. I have no place to hide from the torment that chases me.

My friends and family ask me how are you today? I say just fine. But they don’t know that I’m lieing. I am so devastated inside. I must be the great pretender. Like a clown at work. I’m really dieing inside as I miss her more each day. There has not been a night that I haven’t cried. Here is the truth, I’m still in love with you.

The echos of your words cuts like a knife, cuts so deep it hurts. I wonder if you will ever know how much I really love you? I’m really not that strong. I’m falling a part inside. And no one sees it but me. Has anyone seen her. Where is she at?

I’m so tired. How I wish I was home. If I don’t get home I’ll die. She is always on my mind. How much further is it to her door? I have to stop a while and rest. I’m so weary I can hardly stand.

I hear the voices mocking me as I struggle through this waste land.

They say, get over it. Find someone else. It will get easier with time. Time heals all wounds. Well I know from experience that time is against us. We grow older then die. On this earth we are not getting younger. So I will let them believe their lies. Their lies are not for me.

I have to escape their lies. And run through the door way into the night to try to find rest. My legs feel heavy as stone. My legs hurt me 24 hours a day. I am told to deal with the pain. I’m also told that I am lazy and don’t follow through with things. Well I believe if they hurt as bad as I do they would do less then I do and stay in bed.

What hurts the most is the pain of a broken heart trying to find the one it loves, the one it loves so tenderly.

This fever for you is burning me up inside. I’ll spend the rest of my days looking for you, is that alright? You’re all I ever had. No matter where I go I hear your voice. I think about you when the night is cold and dark. No one can move me the way you do. Nothing will erase this feeling I have for you.

Please don’t take this wrong. But my love for you is stronger then my fear of death. All I want to do is spend the rest of my life with you.

You are the flower and I am the seed, we walked through a garden and planted a tree. Now you live in my memories. You’ll always be there. Please, Please Understand. I’m in love with you baby. Till the end. What no one else could give me was the one thing you can.

You aren’t in sight. I hope you want me like I want you. I feel like I’m standing still beneath a darken sky. With my life passing me by. I feel like I’m gonna drown if you’re not found. I feel broken down. I hear that sorrow is the call tomorrow.

Sometimes I get so scared in side and don’t really understand why. Why can’t I find you in this wasteland. How long will this go on unchanged. Sometime it’s so hard to hold on to my dreams. Like a dagger this pain sticks me in the heart and takes the blood from my pain. What am I suppose to do when you are not here with me. Everything seems to remain the same. If you don’t come back I’ll never be the same. If I could have just one more wish I would wipe the cob webs from my eyes.

Tonight I can hardly move. I watch as everyone walks by and watch me die. I hear you say come on. The road ahead is filled with broken dreams. I know I didn’t give you everything you need. I never seen the fear behind your eyes. I can’t feel you, I’m not alright, I can’t see you, I’m not alright. I feel like I’m screaming out and no one hears me. For love I left your side. I want to stay. It’s such a waste we are not together.

I have so much hope. Sometimes my thoughts are miss given. She makes me wonder. There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west. And my spirit is crying for leaving. I hear the voices of those who stand looking.

The last time I remember laughter was when I was with you. My heart cries out for you.

Why does the world tell me to live without you? I would not try to change the things we did out of love. Is there really no chance to start once again? I’m still loving you. It seems like I was born to walk alone. Why do I have to live without you? You should give me a chance. Just give me the end. I’m still loving you. I stand alone as my heart cries out for you.

The sounds of my heart crying out for you.

Every night in my dreams see you, I hear you. That is what keeps me holding on. Far across the distant and places between us, my heart still holds on. You’re here in my heart and my heart won’t let go. Your love touched me one time and will last for a life time and my heart will never let go. You will always be a part of me. We were created for each other even before we were born. You’re here, I feel you near. You are safe in my heart. My heart will hold on.

Everyone speaks about our love like they have experienced love like ours before. Your love is like an uncharted territory. I’m always in awe at what I discover. I need a moment to gather my thoughts.

I never dreamed that I would love somebody like you. I never dreamed I would lose somebody like you.

I must keep going on. I hope it want be long before you phone. I’ll always keep holding on. I know it want be long before I’m gone. I heard that all good things must come to a end. But it’s hard to lose you in the end.

I’m so tired I feel exhausted. I need to hurry up and find her. Or I won’t make it. No one but me knows I’m dieing inside. Tormented by the pain of a broken heart.